"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
