My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
