C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
