My Higher Power is John Stamos
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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