Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
