then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize