I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
