yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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