Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
