I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
