I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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