I seem to have left my pride at pride
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
