i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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