We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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