Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
