i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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