who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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