Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
