umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
barbara walters just said penis...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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