I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
