who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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