there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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