Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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