I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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