Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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