Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
