Banned from zoo.
Again?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
