when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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