Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
