I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
