Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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