My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
