I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I love you.
Bad choice
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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