Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
