I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I am midnight drunk by noon
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
