I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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