I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
