did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
