had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
