so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
