I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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