I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
