Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
