she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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