$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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