Where did you get a picture of my penis
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
