Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
