Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
