that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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