its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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