**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
