There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So vagazzling was a success
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
