some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
