Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize