Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize