Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
