I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
