Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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