dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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