His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
