i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
we're so committed to being not committed
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
