You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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