sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
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