Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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