what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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