I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
