dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize