Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize