in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize